Futbol Monograph #1
Occasionally it is good to back away from the doom and gloom of daily life, like torture, economic apocalypse, and government malfeasance, and look at something that doesn’t matter. It just so happens that these two criteria – something that doesn’t matter and isn’t gloomy – intersect at one of my true passions in life.
Today, in my first monograph about soccer, I begin comparing the Beautiful Game to America’s Sport. For those who already think I’ve jumped into some kind of commie camp, I suppose this will only add fuel to the fire because as everyone ‘knows’, soccer is a commie sport. I’m not really sure where that came from because neither the Russians nor the Chinese have ever been at the top of the World’s game. North Korea actually got to the quarter finals of the World Cup one year but that was a fluke. And as far as I know, Karl Marx spent all his time writing silly books. Nevertheless, soccer has that reputation in the USA, while Americans themselves generally view football as something that reflects America’s values, whatever those values happen to be any given week.
I’ll admit I’m biased. I’ve played soccer since I was about eight years old, back when soccer wasn’t cool. Or rather, even less cool than it is today. I’m pretty good. I’ve played in the premier division of local clubs and, after a long bout with nagging injuries, am back on the pitch. Until I get injured again – which can’t be far off. So when you’re good at something, and enjoy it, it only makes sense that you like it.
But even though I’m biased, I’ve always enjoyed watching football and occasionally playing a good game of touch. There are few things in life that give you the thrill that a last-second touchdown or clutch, third-down sack. I’ve sat in my favorite stadium many times surrounded by tens of thousands of crazed fans and cheered my team to victory. And it’s always fun when they win more than they lose, which has been true of my boys over all these years, though not so much this year.
Last summer all that changed. While I’ve played soccer my entire life, following soccer has been more difficult. I’m glad the MLS is here, and it is getting incrementally better, but it just hasn’t grabbed me. Perhaps if I lived near one of the teams and could watch them in person it might be more fun, but frankly, the quality isn’t there yet. And finding good European soccer on TV has been like scanning for reruns of Firefly. What finally pushed me over the edge was last summer’s European Cup – Euro ‘08. Game after game was the best soccer I’d ever seen. Tons of goals, numerous last-second goals, come from behind victories, blow outs, blood – lots of blood – it had it all. And most of the games were on ESPN. When it ended, I signed up for digital cable so I could get Fox Soccer Channel and Gol TV which show loads of English, German, Italian, and Spanish premier soccer. I’ll go into the beauty of the game in a later monograph, but today I want to focus on something that caught me by surprise.
I watched a lot of soccer last summer for the first time in my life. But I was still looking forward to the start of the fall football season. I always enjoy watching my team - a college team. And I usually eat lunch on Saturday to a football game. Relax in the evening to a football game. Often sit up till midnight watching a West Coast matchup. You know the drill. Games you don’t care about, which are often more enjoyable than the ones you do care about.
But when I started watching football this fall something quite unexpected happened. I found that all I was doing was watching commercials. And every game is NOT the Superbowl. A fifteen minute quarter got stretched into forty-five minutes. A one hour game took all afternoon. Now I knew this of course, but suddenly I couldn’t stand it anymore. Why? Because soccer is commercial free! They play the whole first half, from start to finish, in about forty-seven minutes. Then you have a few highlights and about ten minutes of commercials, an excellent chance to empty and refill. Then they play the entire second half, from start to finish, in another forty-seven minutes. For the first time in my life I’m actually watching the game. And the whole thing takes a little less than two hours. I can get two whole games in while a football game is still in the fourth quarter, stretching that last minute into ten or more.
If you enjoy seeing great athletes doing what they do best, you might want to give soccer a chance. If you enjoy watching commercials selling cheap beer and deodorant, stick with football - which, I'm afraid, do seem to be our current values at the moment. But I caution you, be very careful when signing up for a soccer channel. Make sure your house and cars are in good repair, plenty of wood is stacked for the winter, and you have somebody else to mow the grass. By the way, I’m switching from digital cable to satellite to get more soccer. I’m having it installed in my doghouse.
-Futbol Guru