I'm looking for people who have a strong grasp of labour market economics to look over and give feedback on a script I'm working on for the follow-up to George Ought to Help. I need to be sure that I haven't made any mistakes or misleading statements (while keeping it as accessible as possible).
Compensation for scriptreaders who's feedback is incorporated will be in the form of a mention in the film's end credits.
Please PM or emai me if you fit the profile and would like to help: info at red shift media dot com.
Current draft can be read here: https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1bfhlNR9P296lS04hj6hHulS3MYYPMq-uPlb7aFihvx8
You can find out more about the project at: http://www.indiegogo.com/edgar-the-exploiter
Thanks in advance!
First off, George Ought to Help was incredibly well done. I like the animation and narration, but especially the progression of the narrative. I think it does such a good job of showing the severe lack of difference between the two situtations that so many people treat differently...and it does so in such a quick and efficient way. I'm very glad you're continuing this kind of project.
As for the script for Edgar, I think it sounds great. I see nothing wrong in the wording or terms used. I realize you'll probably have to change diction in a few places to make it sound good when read aloud, but by and large it does just what it's supposed to do. The only things you might think about changing would be
1) I like the way you explain how much revenue Vicky and Bob generate, then tell what their wage is, then tell how much Edgar makes. I realize it might be a bit redundant to say the same thing for Simon, but I would want to make sure the viewer understands how the minimum wage is $6 more than what Simon’s work generates for his employer. If you don't want to say the same line over again, you might just be sure the visual that accompanies this statement illustrates this in an easily understood way.
2) In the end you say: "Most people are interested in eradicating poverty and maximising well-being." I'd like to believe that's true, but I tend to agree with Tom Sowell when he says: "The liberals want to help the poor while they'er poor...but really the biggest benefit is to stop them from being poor. And that they have very little interest in."
So you might change that sentence to say: "Most people are interested in helping the poor"...[as that's a truer statement]. And then you might actually say something about the difference between how people think they are doing that, and how it is actually accomplished.
Other than that, I think it's excellent. Can't wait to see it and share it.
I'm just curious, but what ill do you think would result from posting the script here for people to review?
Why anarchy fails
Apart from being shy of releasing such an unfinished thing 'into the world', I can't think of any good reason not to!
Here's the current draft (this document will update automatically as revisions are made):
https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1bfhlNR9P296lS04hj6hHulS3MYYPMq-uPlb7aFihvx8 (will open in new window)
Any and all comments very welcome. Especially when you spot mistakes.
I have a feeling that using a term like 'marginal revenue product' creates confusion.
In my text on minimum wage I managed to leave it out. Maybe you can use some of it:
@John James Thanks. Yes, I'll be accompanying the wage vs MRP coparisons section with a kind of graphic overlay showing how the amounts compare to one another. I'll record the repetition in the narration but I can choose to leave it out later if it's too much. Re. helping the poor--good suggestion, I've changed that.
@Nielsio. Yes, I was already considering whether it'd be best to avoid technical terms altogether. I'm getting a 'server not found' for http://www.vforvoluntary.com at the moment :(
@Neislo: it's working now. That's a neat approach. I'm going to give that some more thought, thanks.
I've 'unpublishd' the text again since production has started proper and it's 'frozen' now. Thanks again for your help!
Any updates on this? I've been anxiously waiting for this since it was announced. The updates on the campaign page look promising, but the latest one was 5 months ago. What's goin on?
bitbutter, any good news??
Hey John, Work on Edgar's going well! Thanks for asking.
You can find the most recent updtes at the facebook page:
There aren't many updates recently that's because it's getting tricky to do so without giving too much away about the final visuals which i'd like to leave somewhat as a surprise.
Great!! Any idea on a release date? I'm so stoked for this.
@bitbutter: I noticed you mentioned your moral philosophy in the interview with LibertariaNation - I have started a thread based on my (somewhat ponderous at the moment) theory of morality here and, if you have the time, I would appreciate your input.
Still planning to have it ready within 2012. Though actual publication may end up being shifted to early january, when the bloggers are back from holidays. Not sure yet. Lots of late-night sessions at the moment, making good progress and I'm excited about how its looking!
@Clayton. Sorry for the delay in looking at this. Have bookmarked it and plan to read soon.
Edgar the Exploiter