Senator Obama Introduces Legislation to Protect 'Community Organizers'
Chicago, IL—Democratic Senator Barack Obama today introduced
legislation that would make “community organizers” a legally protected
minority in the United States for affirmative action and equal
employment. “This bill (S. 31337) effectively kills two birds with one
stone,” Obama announced to a rousing ovation from his political state
of Illinois. “It shows Governor Palin the might of community organizers
that we will not be mocked lightly, but also that I can author a major
piece of legislation.”
Senate Bill 31337, if approved by the House of Representatives and
signed by the President, will legally protect anyone officially
registered as a community organizer from being discriminated against in
the employment process, from being fired, and will deliver reparations
for the many years of being unappreciated for serving the public good.
It has met with unanimous praise and glee on the part of Democrats
across the nation.
“Governor Palin is a sweet woman,” said fellow woman Nancy Pelosi (D
CA). “But she overstepped her bounds outside of the kitchen of politics
when she disgraced community organizers in her speech [Wednesday,
September 3rd].”
When reached for comment, Obama’s running mate, Joe Biden (D DE), said
he found Palin’s comments as a gross and representative statement of
the Republican party. “Just think about what she said,” Biden said,
“and substitute any other unappreciated minority for ‘community
organizer’. She wouldn’t say, ‘Being a white person is sort of like
being a black person, except that you don’t steal,’ or, ‘Being a
heterosexual is sort of like being a homosexual, except that you aren’t
a ***.’ So why should Governor Palin be allowed to trample on
community organizers, people who serve a vital social service? She
shouldn’t, and we won’t let her.”
Biden also continued on to say this is just the first, landmark step on
the path to Obama’s heralded presidency. “This is just the beginning of
the end of the Republican party’s elephant-like stomping of
civilization. The American public only has more world-changing
legislation like they’ve seen today to look forward to.”
Local community organizers have responded enthusiastically to Obama’s
new legislation. “When a community organizer is mocked, we are all
mocked. That’s the human condition,” managed a local Chicago mom who
made time to speak in between organizing events for her community this
weekend and baking a cake in the mold of Barack Obama’s head. “This
weekend we’re going to have a fundraiser. We’re going to have community
organizers speak about their roles as community organizers and all
proceeds are going to go toward helping future community organizers
organize their communities. We’re going to have this cake and eat it,
too,” she smiled.
When asked for comments, both John McCain (R AZ) and Sarah Palin (R AK)
were unavailable for comment. A lone congressman in Texas was reached
and had the following comment: “The only thing that surprises me about
this legislation is that it was constitutionally introduced as a bill
instead of Obama waiting until elected to make this an executive order."